ben passes his esophagram

just to let everyone know that ben passed his esophagram with flying colors!! we feel like that is kind of a mountain that we've crested. the next step will be bottle feeding, and eventually breast feeding. the nurse is going to begin to bottle-feed him here at 3 pm, and hopefully it will go well. the better he does, the more they will give him, and eventually he'll be able to get his tube out of his intestine. we are so thankful that God is healing little ben up so fast. we look forward to seeing how he will do in the coming days. keep us in your prayers.

on the road to recovery

ben is doing really good right now. i'm sitting with him today, and i feel lucky, because i thought that i would be at work today. turns out that we don't have anything for today, which would normally be a downer, but today i get to spend it with my son! it's amazing the feelings that fatherhood arouses.
ben is cruising right along with our sights set to his esophagram on wednesday. that's when they check to see if there are any leaks in his esophagus. he is off his iv's now, and on full breast milk feeds. he is fed through a tube that goes through his nose, and straight down to his intestine. we've had a couple of scary moments with him almost pulling the tube out, but it's remained where it needs be, so we praise the Lord for that. if he passes his esophagram on wednesday, then they can start bottle feeding, and hopefully we can get him home before too long. it all depends on how he reacts, though. so far, he hasn't had any major setbacks, so we pray that that will continue. mommy and daddy can absolutely not wait until he can go home with them.
we continue to ask for prayer for ben. i know that there is so many people that have been praying for him, and for us as well. we feel overwhelmed by it all. i have come to realize how much of a blessed life we lead. God bless you all as the New Year comes.

ben update

well, i thought that i would let you all in on what's going on with ben as of today. today was a fairly eventful day for ben. he had an x-ray taken, a couple of labs, and he had a drainage tube pulled out of his chest. he was awake for a couple of hours this afternoon because of it all, but he is sleeping peacefully now. he's doing great. he's getting 6 ml's of breast milk an hour now, so we are excited about that. he's getting it through a tube that goes through his nose and into his intestine. that is one prayer request. he has a tendency to grab things, and his feeding tube needs to stay in his nose. pray that he doesn't pull it out. the second area is concerning his esophogram. an esophogram is when they check his esophagus to make sure that there aren't any leaks. they will do that this coming wednesday. if his esophagus does not leak, then we can start bottle feeding him, and we can hopefully get him out of here before too long. so pray that his esophagus heals quickly and that he be able to ingest and swallow his food and all the mucous that is in his mouth. with God's help we will make it through this, it's just going to take some patience and prayer to make it through. thanks to everyone of you for your prayers, and for supporting us through this rough time.

Christmas Ben

Well, it's Christmas morning, and Tina and I are here at the hospital with Ben. He's doing well, he has about a million tubes running into him right now, although he will probably be getting his respirator out this afternoon. He's a little trooper, and so far things have gone very well.
We just thank God for the way that he has used the medical knowledge of all the professionals here to help our son. We are truly blessed. We ask that you keep us in your prayers. Honestly the hardest part of every day is going home without him. We know that one day he will be able to sit in his carseat and ride home with mommy and daddy.

so i was looking at the last time that i posted on this blog, and it was almost a year ago. it would seem i write in spurts. probably when i have things going on in my life.
many of you know what's happening in tina and i's life right now. in the last 2 days we've gone from apprehension about the birthing process to elation at a healthy and quick birth to fear of the unknown as we saw our little boy laying on a hospital crib with tubes and wires running into him, not knowing what surgery would do to him. i have to say that i've cried more in the last two days than i have in probably the last 5 years put together. there have been tears that come from seeing my son in such a condition, tears of frustration at not being able to bring him home, which has brought an unusual feeling of loneliness for tina and i. tears of joy, yes, there have been tears of joy, shed as i held my son in my arms and stared down into his inquisitive and trusting eyes. but staring into those eyes has also brought sadness, knowing that i can't stop my son from suffering.
i have seen how blessed we are. i think it is a sign that you are leading a blessed life that when you are going through a hard time, you have more people offer to help than you have needs. for that i am eternally grateful.
i won't rattle on, i know new days will bring new developments and feelings. i will just say that i have learned so much in the last two days. my heart has been pierced by this little boy named ben, and i know that no matter what the future brings, my life is changed forever. this is fatherhood, and even though my introduction to it has not been normal, i believe that i'm developing a love for my son that knows no bounds. that's something worth living for.

winter blues

i haven't posted for several months. i think the last time i did was right when we came home from spain, and i was going through some pretty intense culture shock. so it's kind of hard to catch up like 5 months of life, so i'll skip it. things are a little tough for me right now. i haven't worked all week because of visiting family, new year's, and some ridiculously cold weather here. i always forget every year how much it sucks to be a mason in the winter. i guess that's a lot of the reason why i'm going to be going to school. can't do this forever.

so the new year is bringing with it some new challenges for me. algebra, english; all those things that i haven't thought about since high school. i'm excited about learning again, but i would be lying if i said that i wasn't a little freaked out about it. sometimes i kick myself for not having gone to school right after high school. it's easy to think, "oh man, i would have all this done with by now, and have a good job, and a secure future." that's when i remember all of the great experiences that i've had, and all of the great people that i've met. i've lived over a year of my life abroad, and i probably would not be married to the wonderful woman that i am married to had i went to college right away.

so when i look back, i don't regret my decisions. i mean, i can always 'what if' myself, but i'm grateful for my life's experiences. i wouldn't be who i am today without them.

then there is the question of careers. i don't know, man. i still haven't made up my mind. i think i have trouble making decisions when there are so many options. i'm not stressing too much over that, though, right now. one step at a time, i'm sure God will provide.

God bless you all this winter. hopefully i have a chance to see you all sometime soon.

lenny

Early thanksgivings

Today I was riding in the car with Len, and I had one of those moments where you just are overwhelmed with how good God is. The trees are completely beautiful - even tho it's not sunny outside, it's a gorgeous fall day. I have a wonderful family that I really enjoy being with, all of my finacial needs are met, I have the most amazing husband ever (he really deserves an aside so I can tell you how great he is! He bought me flowers and took me out to the Burgandy room last night, because he knew I had had a rough week. He lets me hang out with all my sisters a lot, and even comes with me! Thursday night it was me and julie and heidi and marcia and Len,all having dinner! And he cleaned my kitchen this morning. Really cleaned it, as in lifted up the top of the stove, which I did not even know you could do- and cleaned! He's the best.), and eternal life with Jesus. And then I got to thinking about how without Jesus I might not even be thankful for all of that. It would be so easy to dwell on my headache, and how stressful going back to the bank has been, etc. SO then I was thankful that Jesus has helped me be thankful!
So yes, I am back at the bank, but just 2 days a week, friday night and Saturday morning. I think it will be much better that full time. I am still going to keep my cleaning jobs, which right now are all on thursday and friday morning. So I will have mon, tues and weds to keep house and sanity! I went in weds for some training, as so much has changed since I left. Mainly it's getting used to the new computer system.
Our other news is that Len is going to school this winter! We are probably completely insane as he has signed up for 14 hours of classes, and will still try to work as much as he can! I probably will never see him, but we really want to do this, and winer's the best time to take lots of classes. So we'll see how it goes at least!
My brother's soccer team is doing fabulously in tournaments - they've won two more games than they were expected to, so Len and I are at my parents for the second weekend in a row to watch him play! It's great fun, but I always get so nervous for him! Probably afterwards we will go to bedubs and watch osu. GO BUCKS!!!